Rollcall

Today I was thinking about how I have updated my “blogroll” (as wordpress calls it) and you may not have noticed.  Now, some of the links are there just because it’s an easy way for me not to have to worry about forgetting these MOST IMPORTANT links (not that I couldn’t find them again, I’m sure…), but others are there for both of us. 

Just so you know why you should read these blogs, let me give you a brief summary of why these are good enough to be on my blogroll (as opposed to the many that I’ve saved in my favorites but you don’t see listed).

Aaron Ruell’s Photography:  If you have seen Napoleon Dynamite, you know Aaron Ruell, though you may not know it was him.  He played Kip.  (Kip sang a love song to his bride and technology simultaneously.  He was a dismal failure at martial arts.  He likes lots of cheese on his nachos.  Just thought you’d like a refresher.)  These photographs are some of my favorite things to look at.  The colors are bright, the framing is unique, and I think that Ruell always makes up a story for each photograph (even shots with no people in them seem to be purposeful).

Aaron W:  This guy is super brilliant.  No joke.  He’s very humble, though, so he won’t tell you that himself.  He’s one of the best preachers on the planet, and yet he’s a real guy.  I don’t have a lot more to say, but that’s my shortcoming…not Aaron’s.  Really, I think Aaron’s one of those people who everyone should know.  And now that I type this, I realize I never told Aaron to his face that I think this.  Sorry Aaron!

B.J.:  One of the funniest people I’ve ever met.  He puts up a strong front like he’d rip you to shreds, but is truly one of the most caring people I know.  When you visit his blog:  he just got married to a great girl, so make sure you read about the songs for their wedding and reception.  Oh, he is a pretty smart person, so he can get a little cynical.  It’s okay, though, because it’s fun.

BSU Football:  Because everyone likes the Broncos!

Donate Rice with Good Vocab Knowledge:  Even if you don’t know a lot of words and their meanings, this is a great way to build your vocabulary and do good at the same time.  For each word you get right, 10 grains of rice will be given to the UN World Food Program.  You’ll be surprised how quickly you manage to build up enough for one day’s allotment of rice for a person!

Liz:  From this link, you can get to two of Liz’s blogs.  The first one is her journey through life, currently in D.C.  She talks about food, her cat, knitting, what she does for fun, and 12 of 12 (I’ll let Liz tell you about that).  In her “Daily Reads” section, you will find her other blog, Cinema Hype.  If you like movies, this is the blog for you!  Liz gives you insider information, personal perspective, and a continuing contest (usually on Fridays) called “Quotation Sensation”.  The reward is a poem in your honor.  There’s no place else where you can get that!  Check both out!

Micah and Erica:  This is a great couple.  They are genuine people who dig in deep to their hobbies and get all they can from life.  Photography, their real life faith, music, outdoor sports, and whatever’s on their minds are what you’ll find out about here.  Oh, and they’re going to have their first baby soon, so I’m sure there will be pictures when that happens. 

Mike:  He’s a youth leader, which–in my opinion–makes him a little crazy.  He is another of those super smart and super sincere (snuck in some alliteration there!) people.  He doesn’t post every day, but every post is worth reading.  Also, his family is adorable.

Nathan:  I think this is take two for Nathan’s blog, so you may find references to posts that aren’t there…but don’t worry!  The posts that currently reside here will get you to thinking.  I suspect that if you read Nathan’s blog you’ll be challenged to consider your own views about politics and faith and how they interact.  Even if you disagree, when you take the time to think about Nathan’s perspective you will find you are enriched.  I really appreciate that this is a guy who doesn’t compartmentalize his life, but strives to integrate all parts of himself.

NPR Music:  Check this out if you want to find new things to listen to or hear about musicians you already love from a new point of reference.  Just when I think I know all there is to know about music, I find I’m wrong.

Office Tally:  For all things related to NBC’s show The Office.  Really.  ALL things.

Pioneer Woman:  A new favorite, this website is maintained by Ree Drummond, a woman who lives on a ranch in The Middle of Nowhere, Oklahoma.  She’s open, honest, generous, and fun.  Just the kind of person you love to be friends with!  Her recipes are amazing (if you don’t try her recipe for Strawberry Shortcake Cake, you are doing yourself a serious disservice), her photography is beautiful, her tips are always worthwhile, and…well, it’s all fun.  I will say, there are more female readers here than male, but if you like cooking (of any sort) or ranching or great pictures, you guys will still find something.

Set Daily Puzzle:  Some fun for your brain.  This game won an award from MENSA, so you know it’s also good for you.  And if you register, you can enter to win a drawing each time you complete the daily puzzle.

Stuff Christians Like:  I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this site.  As someone who grew up in church, I relate to just about every post.  Sometimes sincere, sometimes funny, and always self-depricating, Jon Acuff asks us to take a look at ourselves by being willing to take a look at himself.  Sure, he makes fun of people, but only after he makes fun of himself first.  If you have had ANY experience at ANY church event, you will find something to relate to.  (Many thanks to Aaron W. for first highlighting this site.  I owe you!)

Stuff White People Like:  It’s good to make fun of yourself, and Christian Lander proves it.  I mean, he’s white.  So he knows.  Okay, so it’s really about white Americans.  I’m not willing to lump other white people in with us without some confirmation that it’s deserved.  Anyway…  Check this site out for perspective about why we like New Balance shoes, coffee, ugly sweaters, acting like children, and public radio.  (Okay, so I don’t like ugly sweaters, but I like the rest.  Also, I know people who like ugly sweaters.)

Tiffany’s Tea Page:  This girl is one of the most talented people I know.  She could tell you all about martial arts, longboarding, going on long hikes, business and marketing strategy, and the challenges of working in the non-profit world.  But at this site she focuses on her true passion:  tea.  People who drink tea will appreciate her assessments of varying teas and their qualities, and people who don’t may just find they enjoy how she writes.  Either way, please spend some time with Tiffany!  And if you know someone in the tea industry, send them her way since she does some freelance consulting and is a huge asset to any marketing campaign.  Seriously, she’s the best!

Well, that’s it for now!  If you want to know about any other blogs I follow, drop me a line about your interests.  I’m sure I can find you at least one new source!

I am out of the house

I managed to get to work today and I did complete one knitting project.  That’s it though. 

Seriously, I don’t even care.  I am so glad to be at work today that everything else pales in comparison!  Hooray!

Coming up for air

So I have been quarantined in my own house since Friday night.  It’s miserable.  I have the flu, which means extreme tiredness, muscle aches, sore throat, coughing, runny nose (and resultant sneezing…not because of the flu, but because I sneeze whenever my nose runs) and fever.  Being stuck inside might seem like an impromptu stay-cation to some, and the first day it didn’t seem too terrible.  I watched the entire third season of Monk and began a new knitting project because standing up for five minutes drained me so much that I couldn’t bear to do it for less-than-necessary items of business, which only left things like putting in a new DVD and getting a new hot drink.  Biggest drawback of the day:  I missed the Old Town Cleanup event, which I had been looking forward to for months.

Sunday proved somewhat less fun.  I missed church (and when I say “missed”, I mean it in the physical and emotional sense) and Faith’s baby shower (sad, but non-negotiable since one can’t be getting pregnant people sick in good conscience).  Finishing off season four of Monk and getting to the halfway point on my knitting project doesn’t seem quite as bragworthy as you’d think such investments of time would be.  Thanks to Courtney, the bright spot of the day was playing a little Dr. Mario.  I don’t get enough opportunities for that, so even though I was sick, I appreciated it.  I hope Courtney doesn’t get sick as a result of being in the house with me!

Monday was a complete wash.  I felt awful the whole day and had nothing to show for it.  I felt too exhausted to do much of anything, so even knitting was pretty well out.  Lucky for me, I didn’t have to take a sick day at work since Mondays are always my day off.  I did, however, miss out on an opportunity to help a woman out who needed a ride to a doctor’s appt…Mom had to take her instead.  Kate and I also had to put off making bread until next Monday; we were going to make Cheddar and Toasted Sesame bread (from this bread book) and it was going to be GOOD!  I also missed my usual Monday night hangout with Taryn because she can’t afford to get sick at the moment, though she was kind enough to drop some popsicles (Breyers Pure Fruit bars,–swirl variety pack–which are amazing) and the Chronicles of Narnia, BBC style, outside my door.  The one productive thing I managed to do was to cover a powdered coffee tin (the little General Foods International brand* ones) with wrapping paper to make it a little more attractive.  I plan to use it to hold hair rubber bands.

Today, I have been longing to be at work as, at this point, I am bored out of my skull by being at home.  I have done nothing worth mentioning.  If I can’t go to work tomorrow, I feel certain I will go insane.

I suppose this boredom has allowed me the time to post on this blog (it has been some time since the last, hasn’t it?), so in that sense I am coming up for air after being submerged in a sea of “Things To Do”.  In quite another, however, I am hoping to come up for air…more the literal sense, I’d say.  Having been coughing all weekend, my lung capacity is seriously reduced and my throat is too ripped up to allow for a full breath, anyway.

By tomorrow, I hope to

1. finish all current knitting projects,
2. read the rest of the book I’ve been working on for a class (Check it out!  It’s really helpful!),
3. recover enough to go to the office.

Will it work?  I’m not sure I want to promise to let you know how it goes.

*This is not product placement.  I just want you to know what size tin I was working with.  Disclaimer:  This is not my normal coffee of choice.  I keep these on hand for emergencies only.  I guess it’s important to me for you to know I’m kind of a coffee snob.

Some thoughts

It’s crazy busy in life right now (leading to a decrease in rate of posting).  There are ramifications for this.  Among them:
*I don’t sleep much these days.  When I do, it isn’t well. 
*I know I’m stressed out because the sound of my phone ringing makes my body tense up, so I’m keeping it on vibrate these days.
*All of those healthy routines I’d like to develop don’t feel attainable because of how drained I feel just thinking about doing them.
*I’m afraid of the two large knots which seem to be taking up permanent residence in my shoulders.

Despite that:
*I know if anyone is equipped to deal with sleeplessness and not be too cranky, it’s me.
*I’m willing to accept having my phone on vibrate.  Actually, I think I’m coming to like it and might keep it up even after stressors are alleviated.
*I know I need to start taking my vitamins, drink water, go to the gym, etc., but when I consider the fact that I am generally healthy, I am grateful.
*The knots in my back are nothing new.  I should probably just get over it.

Now for all of you:
*If you call me and I don’t answer, or if you want to hang out with me and I can’t for a little while, please don’t hold it against me.  Once life returns to some semblance of order, I’ll do what I can to make it up to you.
*Don’t give me too much pity.  I signed up for the life I’ve got, and even when I’m overwhelmed, I still want to be doing what I’m doing.

Things that keep it all in perspective:
*By May, I should have a pretty good grip on things.  (If it sounds far off to you, that’s great because you can relish things from now til then.  If you’re like me, though, it’s rushing at you like a full-steam-ahead locomotive!)  That to say:  the end(-ish) is in sight!
*Isaiah 63:7-14.  [I'm typing it in because it's possible you don't have your Bible handy.  Normally, I prefer the NRSV, but this is NIV because it's right here.  Emphasis, of course, is mine.]  “I will tell of the kindnesses of the LORD, the deeds for which he is to be praised, according to all the LORD has done for us–yes, the many good things he has done for the house of Israel, according to his compassion and many kindnesses.  He said, ‘Surely they are my people, sons who will not be false to me’; and so he became their Savior.  In all their distress he too was distressed, and the angel of his presence saved them.  In his love and mercy he redeemed them; he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old.  Yet they rebelled and grieved his Holy Spirit.  So he turned and became their enemy and he himself fought against them.  Then his people recalled the days of old, the days of Moses and his people–where is he who brought them through the sea, with the shepherd of his flock?  Where is he who set his Holy Spirit among them, who sent his glorious arm of power to be at Moses’ right hand, who divided the waters before them, to gain for himself everlasting renown, who led them through the depths?  Like a horse in open country, they did not stumble; like cattle that go down to the plain, they were given rest by the Spirit of the LORD.  This is how you guided your people to make for yourself a glorious name.”
*Though you might not think it to look at me, I have a lot to be grateful for and I sure know it.  Top two things:  I have a wonderful family; and I have the best co-workers in the whole wide world.  NO JOKE!

On the Up and Up

I know it’s incredibly predictable and prosaic to use the turn of the calendar year as a reflective tool, but apparently I am exactly the type of person to use this mirror.  I cannot say what impulse from which others might suffer, but I’ve discovered there are a few different causes for my philosophizing.  And since I have this weblog, what better way to impose my thoughts on you, Unwitting Reader?

Item One:  Desire for a fresh start.  By my usual standards, the past twelve months have been awful.  I should insert a caveat here, actually.  In no way do I belittle what difficulties many, perhaps you, have suffered in that span of time.  Compared with many I know, I am still well-situated in most areas of my life.  Even so, if I could have a do-over I’m sure that the bulk of last year could have been more agreeably spent.  I’ve had a good deal of stress on all fronts and no real place of relief.  I should also state that I have had moments of good to temper the wealth of bad, without which it might have been easy to choose to abandon my present life for something else.  Of course, hindsight tells me that would have been foolhardy, so I’m glad I never did that.  All that to say, I am ready for a lot of things to be different, and entering 2009 affords me some opportunity.

Item Two:  Ten year high school reunion.  Shockingly, May 31st will mark ten completed years since high school.  ENTER, COMPULSORY CELEBRATION.  For the record, I don’t want to go.  Some people seem to think I should go, and others say it’s better to wait until the twenty year reunion.  The reasons others give for waiting are that ten years isn’t enough to separate us from the trappings of our high school years, and so the cliques which existed at graduation will still dominate the atmosphere; apparently at twenty years this will have changed.  That is one reason I am reticent to go, but also–and this is the simple truth–I just don’t want to go.  I’ll admit that I’m anxious to reconnect with two handfuls of people I’ve lost along the way but I believe I could find them some other way, too.  This has been the happy truth of my present friendships with high school peers, anyway.  There is only one person with whom I’ve had fairly regular contact, but even she and I had our communication blackouts.  As the reunion nears, perhaps I’ll change my tune, but it’s been the melody I’ve sung for about three years now.  I’m not hopeful.

Item three:  Sunday’s sermon from Jan. 4th.  [Context:  The current sermon series is from the New Testament book of Galatians and is about how to do more than simply survive life, but to overcome the things plaguing us.]  That particular sermon, based primarily on Galatians 4:21-5:1, addressed the question Paul has for his contemporary readers, namely:  if you have been given a way out of the things which trapped you in your life before you knew God, why would you look for something else to trap you after God freed you?  Not to oversimplify, but the most common answer is that we are prone to return to what is familiar.  Better the evil you know than the evil you don’t know, right?  But the real truth of the Good News is that when God frees us (“For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”  Galatians 5:1), it isn’t so we swap one bad thing for another.  It’s so we swap out the bad for something good.  As I reflect on the past year, it seems to me that I’ve chosen to be trapped (at times by myself and at times by others) because it was a comfortable trap, but I’m ready to be let out.  Anyway, I know this summary does not do justice to the sermon, and I can’t point you to the podcast of that sermon because it isn’t on the church’s website yet.  If you are interested in hearing it for yourself, however, let me know and I’ll get you information about it when it’s on the website.  I’m finding that I’ve been in need of this sermon series, and I have no qualms about recommending it to others, whether they’ve had a tough time lately or not.  I’m looking forward to a year with more freedom, that’s for sure.

I don’t have a way to neatly wrap this post up.  I guess I just want to say that 2009 is already looking far better than 2008.

Of Mice and Men

Okay, I’m renaming it:  Of Mice and Girl.

In the past two days, I have learned something about myself that I sort of suspected was true but hadn’t confirmed it:  I am NOT a “mouse person”.  Okay, so if you’ve seen me “in the flesh” you know I don’t have a tail or mouse ears or fur…I’m not defending myself against you thinking that because it’s just ridiculous.  I’m saying I have found that I have a great aversion to being in the presence of mice.  I suppose I knew this in part, though not in whole.  On rare occasions when my friends took retired lab rats as pets, I was never one to hold them or love them, and though they never had mice, I’d bet my reticence would have been the same.  So to say that I WAS a mouse person would have been an apparent lie, even at that point. 

Due to recent events, some details of which aren’t terribly important, I have had to confront the part of myself that would like to be brave and able to deal with whatever comes my way in a calm and collected manner but, quite simply, is not.  Now, in my defense, I’d like it to be known that I am not generally panicky.  When I was in the middle of being side-swiped by a semi on an unfamiliar portion of the Tennessee Interstate, was I incapacitated?  No.  In donating blood at the Red Cross Blood Donation Center, do I indulge in a scream even when, in fact, I am a little afraid of the giant needles?  No.  I could give you a list of things that I deal well with which I know others do not.  Another example:  I am not afraid of being alone in dark places (You know those people who check every corner of their house for burglars every time they come home, not because there are signs of a break-in, but because they’re just scared?  Yep, not that way.)  So while I may not be calm and collected 100% of the time, I think it’s safe to say that I am calm and collected a great majority of the time.

That said, I have learned mice bring out the part of me that I would like to believe didn’t exist.  Yesterday, when I saw three live mice wandering around, each at a different point in time, I reacted very negatively.  Upon seeing the first one, I jumped.  With the second one, I screamed like–I PROMISE!–I have never screamed before (in my defense, it was less than twelve inches from my foot!!!).  For the third one, I didn’t do too much because I was on the phone, calling in the troops (Thanks, Aaron and Taryn!). 

Skipping ahead, past the setting of the traps (traumatic enough to include, yet not really a “page turner” of a story), when it came time to go to sleep I had a really difficult time.  I was still jittery five hours later, so it was well after 2am when I finally fell asleep.  Then, to make matters worse, I dreamt about mice!  Keep in mind, please, that I have one dream a month, at the very most, and there are times I go several months without dreaming; also, I can’t tell you the last time I had an actual nightmare.  I wouldn’t go so far as to say that what I dreamt of last night qualified as nightmares, but they were definitely not happy dreams, either.

Anyway, you know the basics of the story, so here’s the part where I confess the things I now know about myself:

• I can NEVER claim to like mice (not that I would have to begin with).
• I can set non-springy mousetraps, but not springy ones.
• Under no circumstances can I dispose of dead mice (well, maybe if I was genuinely the only person able to do it I could muster the courage, but I haven’t yet seen that state of affairs).
• I cannot imagine a situation in which I could kill a mouse that was running at me, or probably even sitting there (excepting, perhaps, the situation in which everyone will be caused physical harm if I’m not the one who does it; again, not something I’ve seen happen).
• When confronted with mice, there is at least a part of me that wants to scream like a girl (bizarre to say, I know, since I am a girl), and sometimes that very desperate part of me finds a voice.
• I can know perfectly well that there is no cause for worry, fear or panic, but in this situation that’s what I do, whether I want to or not.

Guys, I don’t have mice at my own house, but it is my resolve never to let them set one pink toe on my teal carpet.  I don’t want to let it develop to the point that they’re inside, so it’s got to be a first-strike action plan, preventative measures and such.  Ideas?

Nit-Picking, Nay-Saying and Noting

I have not had much success, of late, posting.  My mind revealed to me the astonishing reason for that:  I’m a reader, not a writer.  (Are you surprised?)  I spend more time reading blogs I love, researching things which interest me and growing my brain than I’ll ever spend thinking about a blog post, even when I’m most diligent. 

For that reason, today’s post is not of any real consequence, in that I’m not going to unfurl a discourse on the import of understanding the Apostle Paul in his contemporary context (though, for the record, I could because I’m fairly passionate about that), provide a synopsis of the current state of the economy and how it got to be this way (which I’m unable to do, but researching, thanks, mostly, to This American Life and the Planet Money Podcast.  I’m getting fairly conversant…), or give you a list of reasons you should be afraid of multitasking (I just found out that could be a fear when trying to think of a topic I have had absolutely no reason to look into, though I’m certainly not qualified to say if the research for this article is well-founded or not).

Instead, I’m writing about a matter I just know you’ve been waiting for me to address because it is oh, so important:  word elitists. 

As a preface, I should say this:  I’m all for big and fancy words (why else would I say “big and fancy”?); in fact, I make an effort to learn new words and integrate them into my vocabulary.  What’s more, I could probably write a dissertation on the importance of a well-chosen word, knowing that the perfect word for the job is often both unweildy and irregularly used; there are appropriate times, places and frequencies for showy and decadent speech.  I am not proposing we put a moratorium on the big and the fancy.  (Did I prove my point within my own paragraph?  Well…I guess I didn’t go over the top.  You know all of those words, I think.)  All that to say, I get it.  I like words just as much as the next person, and understand the difficulty of creating particular nuances when you are unable to use the exact words which efficiently create those nuances.

That said, I’m kind of sick (okay, really sick) of people needing to prove something about themselves by throwing crazy, rare words into sentences (I’m talking to you, Stephanie Meyer!  Okay, so I haven’t read a word of the Twilight series, but I have it on good authority that you could use a little help here.  But don’t worry!  I know you’re not alone…).  Let’s do a quick pros and cons check.

Pros:
1.  People know you know big and fancy words.
2.  Fellow word elitists will admire your ability and either fawn all over you or–if they’re more proficient than you in their elitism–take you under their wings, making you a more knowledgable elitist.
3.  People might think you’re an expert in the field to which your fancy words are specific.
4.  People might ask you to speak at some event that needs a smart, stuck-up speaker (and they might even pay you money!).

Cons:
1.  People will, sooner or later, begin to notice your word choices and wonder if you’re trying to make them feel stupid (not good) or compensating for your insecurities (also not good).
2.  If the words you use don’t correlate to expertise, the assumptions people made will have to be negated, probably by you.
3.  The more fancy words you use, the greater risk you run of misusing them.
4.  You also run a great risk of being misunderstood.
5.  At a certain point, you’ll probably sound more stupid than smart, if only because the smartest people don’t need very many big words to explain complex concepts; they’re able to use everyday language in order to bring their impressive amounts of knowledge to the masses.

Now, I know it’s unreasonable to expect anyone (least of all myself!) to give up all use of flashy or specified vocabulary, so here are a few simple ideas to keep things in check.

• If you’re just using a fancy word (those not related to specific fields of study), try not to use it more than twice in a conversation unless your conversation partner begins to use the word along with you.  If you’re writing an article, essay or book, two times is enough for most of those words, especially since a thesaurus is standard issue for most word processing programs these days, and the internet is probably at your disposal if you’re working on something for longer than, say, 20 minutes and it would compensate for any gaps in your word processor.
• If you’re using a specialized word, one that pertains to a particular subject being discussed, make sure to define it at some point.  This will guarantee that your definition of the word is the same as anyone else’s or clarify if it isn’t (might even keep you from looking incredibly idiotic if you are the one who doesn’t know what the word means but you continue to use it).  Also, that will help the people around you to learn something new.  See?  You get to display your smarts and your benevolence.  If you don’t want to seem too condescending, however, feel free to find a sneaky way to slip in the definition.
• Ask yourself whether you’re using a word so much that it’s losing its value.  Strong words should be saved for strong occasions, harsh words for harsh occasions, specified words for specified situations, and rare words for rare occasions.  Probably I didn’t need to give you so many examples to make the point.  (p.s. What is a “strong” occasion?  I sort of made that one up as my first example, and now that I read it I’m not sure how I’d define it.  Ah, well.  You get what I mean, right?)  In any case, fantastic words only remain fantastic while they’re not common; that’s all I’m saying.
• Limit the number of different unusual words you use within one conversation.  Again, people of genuine genius status can (and do) use everyday language every day, yet they manage to have people know just how smart they are.
• Don’t use a big word simply for the sake of using a big word.  EVER.  I don’t care how you justified it before; watch yourself!  Again, there are times and places for “infinitesimally” (*Stephanie Meyer*), “neophyte”, “despotic”, or any other such word, but you will not find them to be naturally usable every day.

Okay, I think I’ve belabored my point enough, aired my grievances, and probably managed to bore you.  Adieu!

A solution?

Guys, I’ve figured it out.  What, you ask?  Why I don’t write blogs the way I want to:  funny/witty/amusing/quippy blogs.  For a while I was confused and thought that it was simply because my personal writing style didn’t fit that goal.  Not that it isn’t true.  Totally is.  The real problem, though, is that I’m not self-effacing enough.  I want to be witty, but I also want to be serious.  Those two don’t go together.  Don’t be fooled!  Apparently witty = making fun of yourself and serious = no making fun of anyone.  So I’m on a quest to release multiple personalities so that the style can fit the topic.  We’ll see how quickly I can get another blog post up if I’m raising the bar another couple of inches.  I’m betting not more quickly…but I’ll try.  More for my sake than yours, I’m sure, but then I’m a navel-gazer like that.  Excuse me while I learn to make fun of myself…

(p.s.  If I learn to make fun of myself properly, can I still be a Christian yet move on to making fun of other people?  Shoot.  Probably not.)

Forgive and Forget

I’m not sure I can recall an exact moment that lead to this, but for the past couple of weeks I’ve been ruminating about forgiveness. The considerable amount of time I’ve spent mulling hasn’t actually yielded any new thoughts on my own part, but I have been indebted, over these weeks, to a variety of sources for contributing thoughts which have challenged me to defend my position to myself or encouraged me to continue thinking about forgiveness in the same way but for a different or new reason. Before I talk about my conclusions, here are some examples of stops on this journey.

1. “Forgiven” by Deb Talan

You worry on / hurting anybody anymore
You worry on / small comfort
One of us seems not to tremble
You make a rift inside me
Every day / then you choose to stay
I walk the edge and / push it wider

You are forgiven
I open all my doors
You are forgiven
What a heart is for
I am no martyr
You give me reason
I try harder / and I wait
for a warmer season
Meanwhile,
You are forgiven

I hear a soft noise / like a sigh
A singing / like a lullaby
It is my heart / It is this wind
That blows through
Where you held me closer / where we whisper
This is / this is true

You are forgiven
I open all my doors
You are forgiven
What a heart is for
I am no martyr
You give me reason
I try harder / and I wait
for a warmer season
Meanwhile,
You are forgiven

And it’s time / to go
I cannot stay / you cannot know
My love / so dear
Will it be faith / or fear?

You are forgiven
I open all my doors
You are forgiven
What a heart is for
I am no martyr
You give me reason
I try harder / and I wait
for a warmer season
Meanwhile,
You are forgiven

2. Car Talk Courteous-Driving Tip:
LEARN TO FORGIVE (OR CULTIVATE A LOUSY MEMORY)
[Monday, July 7, 2008]
Forgive others their transgressions. The simple fact is, if we want to reduce road rage, it has to stop somewhere. Our advice? Keep your hand off the horn, and keep your fingers in perfect alignment. Not convinced? Remember this: That guy you’re yelling out the window at could work for Tony Soprano.

3. 2 Chronicles 7:13-14. God promises that if Israel will repent, the land will be forgiven, which will lead to healing.

Nehemiah 9:16-18. Though Israel has deliberately done hurtful things to God, God’s forgiveness is ready and God has decided to be slow to anger, meaning that even when God is wronged, God will forgive.

Psalm 79:5-10. Asaph, the writer of this psalm, asks that God choose not to forgive Israel’s enemies, but that God forgive Israel “for your name’s sake” (vs. 9), i.e. to prove God will forgive in the way that has been promised and, perhaps, bragged about.

Matthew 6:14-15; Luke 6:37. If we forgive the wrongs people do to us, God will forgive us for the wrongs we do.

John 20:22-23. The Holy Spirit being given means that if disciples forgive people, those people will be forgiven, and if disciples do not forgive, those people will not be forgiven.

1 John 1:9. If we confess our sins, God will forgive us because God is faithful and just.

I’d like to place a caveat at the beginning, here, because I’d like you to know that I could write much more than I will; there is an abundance of subject matter when one talks about forgiveness, and more if I were to include a discussion of grace and mercy, which are related but not the same. I cannot claim expertise in any of those subjects, but if you’re looking for some good thoughts about grace, let me recommend Philip Yancey’s book, What’s So Amazing About Grace?, as a starting point.

That noted, here are some of my thoughts.

I have grown to love the song by Deb Talan. Some of that is the wistfulness of the song, so fitting for the tone of her words and the topic at hand, so the aesthetics are appealing. Another thing I love about it is the fact that the forgiveness of the song is obviously a choice. Talan recognizes that she has been wronged and hurt, and the object of her forgiveness doesn’t seem terribly repentant, at least if I’m interpreting lines such as “One of us seems not to tremble” and “Where you held me closer / Where we whisper / This is / this is true” correctly. The chorus, however, contains the real beauty of Talan’s message: the purpose of a heart is forgiveness, and real forgiveness is a choice—not martyrdom. So many people seem to believe that if they choose to forgive they’re offering their heart up on an altar for ruination by some god who opposes cowardliness; this song, though, recognizes a certain strength in choosing to forgive. That said, I don’t think the song is a complete picture of what I would call true forgiveness.

I appreciate that the Car Talk guys recognize some connection between forgiveness and forgetting. There is a reason that we connect the two, but it seems to me that the ideal connection between them is not fully recognized in this quote. As these men say, a commitment to forgive means choosing not to remember or react with spite when a wrong has been done, and choosing not to perpetuate negative behavior. Essentially, they call for immediate amnesia when someone hurts or angers you. When I err, I like to think that this is the direction in which I err since more often than not I have an easier time behaving the way I’d like when I simply pretend that nothing bad has been done to me. Keeping in mind that for situations of road rage with people you’ll never see again, there isn’t much true forgiveness possible, anyway, since you’ll never see those people again. The qualifier for true forgiveness that this omits, however, is absolutely necessary for right a relationship with friends and family, and that is the recognition that a wrong has been done.

These Old and New Testament passages, all but one of which talk about God’s forgiveness for people, are on one hand comforting, and on the other disquieting. It’s good to be reminded that God is not stingy with forgiveness or in need of convincing to forgive; God is ready and willing to forgive, and because this is God’s promise, God’s justice requires that the promise be fulfilled or God is made a liar. The difficulty lies, however, in the fact that true forgiveness requires that people repent. I can speak from experience in wishing for forgiveness from God and from people I’ve hurt: I do not like having to admit fault of any kind, even if it is minimal fault that caused minimal hurt. I sometimes feel that it is a blow to my self-respect to have to admit this, but when I examine that, it is not my self-respect that has been damaged, but my pride. It takes a good amount of work for me to truly apologize; it’s good for me to work at it, but it’s definitely not easy. I don’t imagine that the process is easy for anyone else, either. Who can you think of who has ever claimed to easily admit their imperfections? I know of no one. The other difficulty lies in the fact that God directly states that God’s forgiveness of us is directly related to whether we choose to forgive others. After thinking about this, I believe this is a profound theological statement. We see, repeatedly, in all of scripture that God’s love is immutable; God’s love cannot be silenced or squelched for any reason, yet God’s forgiveness can be withheld. That said, God does not want to withhold forgiveness, as that would oppose the acknowledged readiness/willingness we’ve established just now. Why, then, would God choose not to forgive us? My theory is that it is because learning to forgive is good for us. Think about when you’ve held a grudge; that grudge eats at you. You may be able to forget about that grudge for periods of time, but when something reminds you of it, it returns to you in full force and continues to erode you away. This acidic effect is obviously unhealthy for you, and probably goes unknown to the person against whom you hold a grudge, so they could hardly care less. This is not the kind of life God wants for anyone, I’m sure, and so God gives us incentive not to cultivate it.

I could say much more, but I think a good summary of where I stand, as I write this, is that I’ve been convicted that true forgiveness requires that we choose both to forgive and to forget. I know people who can forgive without forgetting and people who can forget without forgiving, but the challenge is to do both. I’m willing to admit that I am not where I’d like to be in this regard, but I hope to use each frustration to grow in my ability to do both instead of one. I think I’ll be doing a lot of choosing rather than relying on my feelings; don’t you?

 

 

Follow-up for us N.E.R.D.s

Thanks to Taryn for pointing me to this fantastic article on nerds:

“Who’s a Nerd, Anyway?” by Benjamin Nugent (NYTimes, 7/29/2007)